My Story

Freddie is my first name. It is also the first and last word you will see in this story. I want to tell you briefly about my struggle with addiction and how harm reduction is changing my life. I came to New York three years ago, heart broken and in active addiction. NA meetings were not effective for me because I was not a perfect person and what I got from them was a bunch of angry people who passed judgement and looked down on everyone who did not think excactly as they did. Complete abstitnance was not realistic either. I had put down the crack, but I would have a drink when I went out, and to this day, I still smoke Newports. I was in complete dispair. My lover had dropped me because of my crack addiction and I stopped caring after that. I did not know who I was, what I was going to do or how to do it. All I knew was that I was in pain. I was lucky when I was introduced to a harm reduction program in Harlem. El Faro is an ADHC that meats the addict where he or she is and feeds them information. There is no judgement. Most addicts feel badly about themselves anyway. After finding out that I am indeed only humand and not so unique I found tha I had developed a network. I also found that was not smoking crack after a signifacant amount of time. I was not so sad anymore this new person I was becoming began to smile again. Today I am in school, still crack free and even have a stipend position in the program. I'm a better person today, no longer lost. I've learned there is a bettter way and hope is possible. Now I know I have a future and I am also getting to know a pretty nice guy who's name is Freddie.

My Pregnancy is my harm reduction

In the past I was heavily, heavily using drugs and alcohol. I was using crack cocaine and drinking a lot of beer every day. I also was a sex worker with many STDs here and there. Now I presently stopped all harm to myself. I am now pregnant with my fourth baby and my baby is my harm reduction. When I found out that I was pregnant I stopped smoking crack and drinking. It was so hard. I went through withdrawl-I detoxed myself. And, I started taking my HIV meds. Before, I was non-compliant, because of the side effects. Finding out I am pregnant was enough to make me stop cold turkey. During my past two pregnancies I continued using and I felt guilty everytime, but not guilty enough to stop. Being off of drugs makes me feel more healthy and like I am living a more productive life. Plus, now that I am taking my meds, my viral load is undetectable and my t-cells are above 500.
To me, harm reduction is causing less harm to yourself--my pregnancy was the motivator for me to get clean. Hopefully I will be able to stay clean once I give birth.
Now I am also graduating from a peer program and will begin an internship. I hope to be a good role model to others in the community.
For me, being clean works, but I know this can be so hard.

OUT OF THE DARKNESS

AS I RECALL THE TRIP THAT DRUGS AND ALCOHOL HAD ME ON I AM TRULLY AMAZED.I FOUND MYSELF STANDING AT THE EDGE OF THE ABYESS.WANTING TO HURL MY SELF IN .MEN DRUGS ALCOHOL ALL REACHIG TO DESTROY ME.I WAS DIAGNOSSED WITH AIDS SOME 30 YEARS AGO,I LET THAT FACT LURE ME INTO THINKING THAT I WAS GOING TO DIE ANYWAY SO I CONTINUED TO USE ,EVEN MORE.

IN Y 10TH YEAR,WITH AIDS I WOKE UP AND REALIZED THAT I WAS STILL HERE,AND TOOK STEPS TO REGAIN MY HEALTH.ITTOOK SOME DOING AS I REFUSSED TO STOP USING . IWENT TO SUPPORT GROUPS AND REHAB,I FOUND THAT I WAS NOT ALONE AND 8 YRS. AGO I FOUND HARLM UNITED AND HARM REDUCTION I WENT FROM 26 BAGS OF CRACK DOWN TO THE 4 I USE ONCE AMONTH. TRUE I HAVEV GONE TO NONE BUT FEAR OF CHANGE HAD ME. SO NOW I JUST THINK THAT IWANT TO LIVE IT STARTED WITH A SLIVER OF LIGHT NOW THE DESIRE TO LIVE DRUG FREE IS NEAR BLINDING.I FOUND WHAT WORKED FOR ME HARM REDUCTION TRYN IT AND COME IN FROM THE DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!!

Harm Reduction Works

I started using marijuana as a teenager because all of my peers were doing it. I then moved to heroine, then to cocaine and on to crack. During the course of my addiciton, people, places, and things were a big factor. I got HIV and hepatitis C because I wasn't injecting safely. Right now I have very few friends and associates because I utilize the harm reduction approach and I avoid the people, places, and things that perpetuate my addiction. All of my friends are still addicted.

Once I began using using, I was off and running. I started using heroin on the weekends with friends and then I began using it alone, and then I HAD to do it alone. Several times a day. I was working at the time and I never needed to steal. Lie and manipulate, yes. I lost my job and several jobs after that. I got into many fights and I got beat up a lot. I owed people money and they owed me money. It was all from the addiction.
I have been through over 10 detox's over the past 10-15 years-but I left detox and went straight to get high. It got me nowhere, save for a few days clean. I have never been in a long-term treatment program because I wasn't ready and I didn't want to have to go away.

I learned about harm reduction about three years ago when I came to Harlem United. I have tried quitting cold turkey, but it never worked for me-I always fell and fell hard. I went right back to using. Then I learned about harm reduction, and that's what has worked for me. Now I just use less. I'm not up all night partying anymore. And I don't go to my program intoxicated because I take it seriously. When I am intoxicated I am uncofortable and my program is my escape-Harlem United and FROST'D have taught me how to live without being intoxicated. Before I knew nothing else but getting high, but now I am motivated to do other things. I still use, don't get me wrong, but only 2-4 times a month. I use coke intravenously, but I am enrolled into the SEP program and always use clean needles. I know how to be safe.

I have also started looking to religion, employment, and volunteer work. This all helps me. Harm Reduction has given me a feeling a self-worth.

Money is still a big trigger for me. I still have problem with that, so I have gotten direct deposit and a debit card. This way I don't need to cash a check and I don't have "cash money" in my hand. I still ahve access to it, but it's different. This is also harm reduction.

All I want to say is harm reduction works. Try it, you're gonna like it.