The Addiction

I grew up in a family of alcoholics so I was around alcohol from a very early age. I first had a drink at age 12 and it seemed like everyone was drinking around me. It was fun and games. My drinking got worse when I became a teenager-I was drinking all day every day. I drank all day, stayed up all night, slept until early afternoon. It was a cycle. I dropped out of school in the 10th grade, because of the drinking. But I needed to drink, because it helped me deal with my step-father's sexual molestation. I tried to tell my mother, but she wouldn't believe me. The alcohol helped.
My drinking escalated at at 15 I started going to bars-more drinking and partying. When I was 16 I met an older man who introduced me to Cocaine. It was like an amazing rush. But after a while the Coke lost it's affect. I tried Crack Cocaine. I used it every other day and it was draining my bank account. I was spending up to $600/week. I also got fired from my job for using. But my boyfriend took care of me so it seemed ok. I kept using Crack until I was 21...but I still dip and dab every now and then. I still drink, but not like I used to. Maybe 4 times a week. As I got older, my system didn't respond as well to hard alcohol, so now I just drink beer.

My substance abuse issues have also landed me in jail. I was incarcerated for drug trafficking-I spent 30 days in Rikers, then came home and went back to my same behaviors.

I have also gotten very violent as a result of using--I have wounds all over my body from getting into fights. But it was like I'd fight with someone, and then the next day we'd sit down and get high. I have battle wounds all over my body.

I think I'd like to stop using, but it's so hard. My husband uses so it's hard for me not to. I will say that I have decreased my alcohol and crack cocaine use, so I feel good about that. If
I'm not using and my husband starts, I just remove myself from the situation. This works sometimes, but sometimes I get weak. I go to Harm Reducition meetings, which help--it relieves so much stress for me. I also get acupuncure a few times a month which helps with my stress.

I've been to treatment and was 7 years clean. I was hanging around the wrong people and I knew I had money. So I picked up again, both crack and alcohol. At this time, I know that I could go to treatment if I want. There's a facility right around the corner from me. I know it's there when I'm ready. But not quite yet. I have figured out how to make it work better for me--no more altercations, no more jail.

For me, Harm Reduction has worked.