Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Drugs and no drugs

I started using drugs over 20 years ago because all of my friends were using them. I started sniffing dope, then began shooting it. It was a nice thing at first. It made me feel good, alert, fast-thinking, and it was fun. Then, within 6 months, it became a habit. Day and night. I was shooting up 3 times a day, and then every day all day. Had so much dope in me that I would nod, and it felt good. But then when I woke up the next day, it wasn't so good anymore. I also overdosed once, but I am still here to talk about it. I lost my job, almost lost my family and my loved ones. I realized that by being high all day, there was no more good. A friend took me to a methadone program and I took it for while. But then, I turned to Cocaine. Why not? It made me feel good and there were no track marks. But no sooner did I strart shooting coke. I shot coke for a year and continued on methadone. The methadone clinic found that I had more coke in my system than methadone and they wanted to send me to a treatment program out of the city. I didn't want this-I didn't want to go to a treatment program outside of the city. Something about this made me decide to stop. But first, one more time...I got coke, reefer, hard alcohol, beer and I locked myself inside my house for a month. I was alone, and used everthing I had. I knew this was going to be my last time using. Once all the drugs and alcohol were gone, I stayed inside for a few weeks. I felt strange and funny, and my diet was terrible. I didn't sleep and I didn't talk to anyone. After a few weeks, I left my house. the first thing someone asked me was "do you want to get high." I said no and I have said no ever since.
There was one time a year later that I went and bought half a pint of gin and a beer--but I never touched it. I remember how I almost died when I was using.

Today, I don't drink or use drugs. This is my choice. But, yet, the temptation is always there. I realize that my recovery is somewhat unique. My friends still use and I am able to hang out with them--but I have chosen not to use. I lost so much when I was using.

I knew I couldn't quit until I was ready--but once I was ready, I did it.

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